Lies. 

I was always taught to never lie as a child. But as I grew up it became more apparent that there were exceptions. 

I was told to only tell my grandma the good and if something bad happened. Lie. 

I watched people tell lies to loved ones to protect each other. 

When I was honest I was always told I was B**** or rude. 

I became conditioned to hide certain traits people wouldn’t like or would tarnish an image. 

I say I want to live an authentic life. But can I when there’s always pieces I’m hiding. 

Why hid feelings and lie to try to make things better? Who am I protecting myself from hurt or them. 

If someone can’t handle the truth then that shows their character. Do you really like that?

I have been someone’s dirty secret. I have been the lie. I promised to never do that to anyone. 

Instead I held things in. Little things nothing major. But little things add up. 

And those little things become one big thing. Now you are lost. 

You learn lessons through hurt. And this was one. I’d rather handle the negatives of a truth. Then the guilt of a lie. 

I’d rather put my pride to the side. And apologies then harbour negativity in my soul. 

I’d rather look back and learn lessons then look back and feel guilt, regret,pain. 

You were the biggest life lessons. And I am grateful, sadden, joyful, angry and blessed all at once for it. 

Lies. They are never worth losing anything or anyone over. 

POEM

I let you say those words to mean and I took them with such meaning.
No one ever looked at me the way you did.
No one made me feel the way you did.

But no one had the power of me the way you did.
The way it was so easy for you to walk away and leave me broken.
To utter those words to me, like they weren’t knives stabbing me each time.

I let you complete, I let you criticize me and tell me to change.
Was the real me not good enough? Was I ever good enough?
Was I ever the one you wanted or was I just there?

No one can make me feel so magical the way you did.
No one will ever feel my love the way you did.
I said I would do anything for you, and I meant it.

But now the silence leaves me empty but filled with questions.
Will I ever be enough for you?
Why is always on your terms? Why can’t you understand my hurt?

Why is my love not worth yours?