LOST LOVE

You were and will always be my love.

But in life not all love lasts and not all love is the same.

You were there at the time I needed you.And you taught me the lessons I needed to learn, without knowing you I wouldn’t know I needed to learn them.

Unfortunately time ran out on us and we never noticed till it was too late.

I try to think of the happy times we shared but when I think back on them, they are more like bitter sweet times.

Each happy moment happened because of bad time that occurred  beforehand.

We both lacked trust in one another and held grudges against each other. This was only a ticking time bomb.

Everything about us now sits in a little plastic drawer in the corner of my room. It echoes all our memories and late at night it echoes get louder and the flash back start.

I carry the note you wrote in the gift card with me in my wallet.

I gave you my all, ride or die and you gave me games.

I was not enough for you,and thats a regret of mine. There were times when I wanted to walk away but something always told me to stay.

I would look at other relationships and get jealous and mad that I didn’t have that and I would make excuses for that.

Our relationship was one sided and I lost myself trying to make sure you were okay. And you never once checked up on me to make sure I was okay.

Countless tears only to be told I was childish and dramatic but you were still allowed to have your moods.

Sleepless night worrying if you would be upset or mad or what mood you might be in that day.

Lost hope in trying to get close to you,trying to share my world my life with you.

Lost effort,ignored effort.

I would always fight for us but this time I couldn’t. You said this isn’t working and I couldn’t try anymore.

I would never deny my love for you, that is permanent and you will always hold a place in my heart but just not the same place as before.

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POEM

I let you say those words to mean and I took them with such meaning.
No one ever looked at me the way you did.
No one made me feel the way you did.

But no one had the power of me the way you did.
The way it was so easy for you to walk away and leave me broken.
To utter those words to me, like they weren’t knives stabbing me each time.

I let you complete, I let you criticize me and tell me to change.
Was the real me not good enough? Was I ever good enough?
Was I ever the one you wanted or was I just there?

No one can make me feel so magical the way you did.
No one will ever feel my love the way you did.
I said I would do anything for you, and I meant it.

But now the silence leaves me empty but filled with questions.
Will I ever be enough for you?
Why is always on your terms? Why can’t you understand my hurt?

Why is my love not worth yours?